real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
