Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
