so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
