the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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