I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
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This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
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ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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