I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
and you said cock pushups were impossible
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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