even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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