Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
