Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
