Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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