I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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