guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
