i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
