After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
