Whod you bang
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
