toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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