I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
