Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
