I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
