true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize