her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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