Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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