420 ftw
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
