I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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