Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.