so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
His nipple licking is glorious
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