fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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