Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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