Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
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