There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
