vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
