So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
