kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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