I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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