it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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