Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
