Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
