im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Randomize
