I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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