Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
