Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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