I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
