dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize