We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
