I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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