you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
