I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
