it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
