Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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