I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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