If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
