So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
