If that was your dad, he is hot
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
