i permit you to call me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
