I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize