i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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