now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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