fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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