He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
