Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
