I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Terrible idea I love it
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
