apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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