a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
