Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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