I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
