My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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