Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
