Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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