Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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